I don’t know why I do it to myself.
Every year I will start a diet.
I’ll do well, feel great and then…….
I start going back to old ways.
I’ll start snacking again because… I’ve done so well, one snack won’t hurt.
I’ll start drinking again because…. I’ve done so well, I’ve worked so hard, I deserve it.

Before you know it, I’m back to square one.
Every time I eat the snacks or drink the alcohol I feel crap!
It’s not a treat anymore.
I feel bloated and horrible.
I undo all the good work I’d done previously!
So why do I bloody do it?!!

Time to crack the whip with myself.
I know where I’m going wrong. I’m not stupid.
The meals I actually eat aren’t bad, it’s what I drink with them or eat in between them that’s doing the damage.
When I was dieting before Italy last year, I would go for a walk if I felt like snacking or I would drink a glass of water.
So, time to get into that mind frame again.

I am fast heading for 50 and I’ll be damned if I’m bigger than a size 16 when I get there!

I spent a couple of hours going through my Uni work this afternoon and making sense of what still has to be done and try to work out a time frame for writing.
It’s now a little clearer and I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to manage it all so looking after myself and not moping into snacks, wine and beer is probably a good start.

It’s a long work week this week.
Early shift tomorrow with two long days back to back on Thursday and Friday.
I’m doing some mandatory update training on Weds for a couple of hours and then my weekend will see me get stuck into some Uni work.
What is going to make things a little harder is my Mum will be away for a couple of weeks from tomorrow so I will have to keep on top of the washing and the ironing.
Or should I say…. the other four adults in this house will have to step up….. I’m just going to have to crack the whip.

Should be interesting.


It’s a sad state of affairs when the most exciting thing I have to look forward to is the release of Peter Rabbit on Bluray on Monday!!

Yes, yes…. it’s a beautiful film.
It’s hilariously funny.
Beautifully animated.
And yes….. Domhnall Gleeson is in it.

That said, half of my family are going to be travelling to fuerteventura over the next week for my cousins wedding!
I am absolutely gutted that I can’t go but after last year in Italy for my Brother’s wedding, it just wasn’t something we could afford again this year.

So, I am plodding along with work and Uni.
I got my first presentation out of the way last Monday. I just have to wait for the result in a couple of weeks.
Until then, I am starting on the next presentation and taking a look at the essays due in October.
I have managed to get some annual leave in late August although I’ve just realised that my next presentation is due right in the middle!! Typical.

Anyway, work has been going well. Extremely busy, but well.
I’m feeling more and more confident in what I do on a daily basis so this Uni course is definitely having some sort of affect.

That’s my life at the moment.
Eat, work, uni, sleep, repeat.

There is the occasional break for something different. Usually a trip to the cinema but last weekend was the 40th anniversary of the Bedford River Festival.
I wasn’t planning on going because I was working on the Sunday but we were up early on Saturday to take two of the kids to work and then just felt like doing something so me and Ian decided to spend the afternoon wandering around the music stages and enjoying the weather.

Murron actually ended up joining The Bear Bedford’s raft race team on Sunday and won!

Life is just plodding along with the occasional break at the moment, so not much to report.
Medical conditions are all in limbo waiting for appointments and treatments.
Ian is still not able to drive very far, so his treatment can’t come quick enough! But thankfully work are very understanding and he’s getting help from a colleague getting into work when needed and he can also do some work from home.

I can’t really report on much more right now.
Nothing is happening.
Adam has two films due. BlacKkKlansman is due for release on August 24th and looks like it’s going to be really good but The Man Who Killed Don Quixote is still in a kind of limbo because of legal issues. Even though it’s had quite a wide release across Europe, it still has no release date here in the UK.
He is Currently filming another Jim Jarmusch movie in New York and the third part of the current Star Wars trilogy is due to start filming any day now.

I continue to follow his career with interest.
It’s one of the few things that puts a smile on my face these days.

That said, I think I’m going to have an early night with an Adam film.
Just have to decide what one!!
Decisions, decisions.


What a roller coaster of a day and I haven’t really done anything!

I started the day on a high when I took my youngest daughter to start her new job at MacDonalds.
She was really scared but walked in with a smile on her face.

Then I did a shop to prepare for a BBQ tomorrow evening ready to watch England in the World Cup semi’s with my Dad.

We got some messages from Dharma saying she was OK.
She even posted on her break “On break now…been working eggs for 2&1/2 hours – let’s just say I’m a boss at eggs”.
All seemed to be going well.

Then I sat down at the computer, had one last run-through of my first presentation before submitting it to the Portal.
I had a little freak-out when I thought I’d messed up and then calmed down when my tutor got back in touch with me to re-assure me that I had submitted it and it had been received.
So that’s it. First Assignment finished. I now just have to actually present it next Monday to get my marks. DEEP BREATH…….

Then I received a call from Dharma who had finished work and wanted picking up.
This is where the Drama started.
Apparently the second half of her shift wasn’t as good as the first and she became completely overwhelmed. We had tears in the car as she said she ‘hated’ it and didn’t want to go back.
So, lots of re-assurance that this is actually very normal for a first timer on her first day at work and that she will actually get used to it but she can’t let it stop her.
Thankfully her sister is working with her on her next shift, so a friendly face will hopefully help and she has also said she will have a chat with the boss to see if there is anything that can be done to ease Dharma in a little more gently.
Right now she is in her bedroom. I know she’s probably still shedding tears and getting herself into a right panic. I just hope we can get her out of the door on Thurs!

Right, bit of a tidy up to do and then I’m actually going to watch the footy tonight to see who England WILL be playing in the final.

Doesn’t hurt to be a little optimistic!

An early shift tomorrow, a trip to MSK for Marji and then BBQ and England in the world cup semi’s.

It's coming home


So, the NHS is 70 years old.

Today I had a woman bring me to tears in Tescos.

She first confirmed I was who she thought I was before telling me that I had looked after her son on my ward a year ago. Apparently he is now 15 and still talks about how wonderful I was. She reiterated that 15 year olds don’t usually talk about their feelings but he always has good things to say about me when he remembers his stay on my ward.

I have to say that I got very emotional. It brought home why I am still working for the NHS. Comments like this are few and far between but they make all the hard work worth while

So, just a reminder, to all you wonderful nurses and CSWs out there. You may not hear it every day , but you are definitely appreciated and make all the difference to a patients stay in hospital.

Happy birthday NHS!!


I had a little glitch with my last blog.
It refused to show up in my list of published blogs and subsequently didn’t post to FB and Twitter. Very frustrating.
I’m hoping I’ve just found out what my little glitch was so I am posting it again as a test so remember, this was originally written on Tuesday morning.

So, my bruised tailbone has not been as big of an issue as I thought it would be.
It’s still difficult to pick things up and climb the stairs and sitting for too long gets a little uncomfortable but I have managed to get through a placement shift this week and a study day yesterday.
Friday will be a test as it’s a full 12.5 hour shift. I must remember to take pain killers with me and not over do things, but if this is as bad a it’s going to get until it’s healed up, then I can live with it.

Anyway, the study day yesterday was very interesting. Wound assessment and management. Learning the difference between moisture and pressure lesions and categorising pressure lesions.
Lots of lovely (pretty grizzly) pictures to show the differences. YUM!
Anyway, I can now ‘hopefully’ identify and categorise lesions and know how to use the hospital formulary to identify and get hold of appropriate dressings.
I just need to take it back to my ward and put it into practice. Not that I see an awful lot of pressure sores in paediatrics…. thankfully.

Ok, I have made a tentative start on my first presentation. WOOHOO!!
The realisation that there are less than three weeks until we have to make the presentations really kicked in yesterday, so today and Saturday and Sunday are going to be Uni work days with the aim to have a complete presentation to show a Tutor on Monday and hopefully get a little feedback before finalising.

Let’s see, what else has been happening this week?
Oh yes!!
Dharma. My beautiful baby girl who finished school less than two weeks ago and is heading for college in September, had her very first job interview yesterday and walked away with a job!!
To say I’m so proud of her is an understatement.
She will be working alongside her older sister at MacDonalds.
Don’t knock it. The pay is good and they are very accommodating and flexible about shifts which is great for a college student.
I can’t wait for her to get her first pay check. She has really been feeling left out over the last two years watching her older sisters with spending money.

Speaking of older sisters.
Marjorie has had to go back to the GP about her Frieburg’s disease.
Quick recap….
6-7 years ago she developed excruciating pain in her right foot that wouldn’t go away. After Orthopaedic investigations it was discovered that the blood supply around the base of one her toes has died so the cartilage has crumbled to nothing and the joint is now bone on bone. It is a lifetime condition that she has already had one round of surgery on.
The surgery was two years ago and things have been pretty good and although she was discharged from the Ortho’s, they did say they would no doubt be seeing her again.

Because she is discharged from the Ortho’s, when she starts having problems again she has to go through the GP to get a new referral.
Here’s where things get silly.
To get referred to Ortho’s you first have to be referred to Muscular Skeletal to be assessed and they usually want to do everything in their power to not make a referral by sending you on countless trips to physios and orthotics teams first.
Now we did all this when she was first diagnosed, so we know that physio does nothing to help and orthotics do nothing to relieve the pain and when we discussed this with the GP, he completely understood and wanted to refer Marji straight to Ortho’s but he had to ‘discuss’ it with his boss first.

He apparently lost his argument on that one because we received a letter for Muscular Skeletal this week.
Thankfully she is only having to wait until 11th July for the appointment and both me and her Dad will be in attendance.
The first question to them will be…. ‘Do you know what Freiburg’s disease is?’ because everytime we see someone knew, GP, Physio, etc, Freiburg’s is so rare they have to look it up!!
Anyway, the aim of the MSK meeting will be to get Marji referred straight to an Orthopaedic surgeon, preferably the same one who dealt with the Freiburg’s the last time and who has also known her since she was 8 months old with her hip dysplasia!
Anything else will be a complete waste of time for everyone involved.

And we still haven’t heard anything about Ian’s referral from Addenbrookes for Injections into his neck and shoulder so he is still soldiering on with the help of work colleagues to get to and from work. He’s getting a little frustrated now.

So that’s where we’re at now.
I’m going to have a hair cut at noon and then I’m knuckling down to that presentation.
Exciting!……. NOT!


As if I wasn’t depressed enough already, turns out it could take up to 4 weeks for my bruised coccyx to heal.
If it’s broken, it could take 8 – 12 weeks.
Every site I’ve read says it’s not worth going to A+E to get checked.
If I have ongoing issues, the GP is the first port of call.

So, looks like something I’m just going to have to put up with for a while.
Climbing stairs is a pain.
Sitting down and standing up is a pain.
Sitting and leaning forward is not too bad, so great opportunity for some Uni work.
Otherwise, the only relief is standing and laying down and that’s even after pain relief.

It’s not excruciating, it’s just bloody irritating! Although it does catch me out when I stand up from sitting.

It’s my own stupid fault.
What was I thinking?!!
If only I could let my youth die with dignity….. but where’s the fun in that.
In my head, I’m still a teenager.
My body, however, has other ideas.

ennis esmer dancing GIF by Red Oaks


So! As you know from my previous post, I went ice skating on Wednesday with my youngest and fell flat on my my arse!!
My pride and the last vestiges of my youth disappearing as I had to crawl off the ice.
I knew that night that I’d bruised my ego quite badly but I managed to get up and head to work with no issues.
However, as the day progressed, things got more and more sore.
When I got home last night I could barely climb the stairs. I certainly couldn’t pick anything up which is, of course, why I kept dropping things like my car keys!!

Anyway, this morning I did a few chores. Nothing major, a little shopping, dropped the car off for it’s MOT and walked home.
By 1pm, I was back to where I was after work last night. Picking things up and climbing stairs is a real pain in the arse! Literally.
So I made the decision that it was probably best not to go into work tomorrow and have a few days off my feet.
(No excuse to not get any Uni work done though!!)

So, that gives me the weekend (and technically Monday as driving to Uni and sitting in class is mostly staying off my feet) for my tailbone to try and recover a little.
At least I hope so, because right now, I think twice about just getting up out of a chair!

Speaking of the MOT, my baby failed!!
Ian spoke to the garage who wanted £495 to fix everything.
Ian was having none of that.
One issue was leaking from the exhaust and as they had fitted a whole brand new exhaust just before Xmas we pointed out the fact that it was up to them to fix it.
There was also a missing bolt on one of the wheels and again, as they were the last ones to remove the wheels on the car, they were the ones who hadn’t secured the bolts enough, so up to them to fix again.
As for the rest, Ian asked ‘how much to get it through the MOT and we’ll get everything else done ourselves as and when we can afford it’.
The result…..


So, I am now waiting for a call to let me know when I can pick her up and then my Dad is running me down there so I don’t have to walk it.