General diary entries

ANXIETY

It’s been a surreal week.
First week in lock down for the family and, so far they’ve done pretty well.
There have a been a couple of occasions with frayed tempers but otherwise, things have been OK.
We’ve minimised our trips to the shop and the girls have let off a little steam by going for walks.

I was at work Monday and Tuesday, and on both occasions I had to fight down a minor panic attack on my way in each morning.
I haven’t had a panic attack in over 20 years!!
Thankfully, once I got stuck into each shift, the panic attacks were forgotten about.

The rest of the week I’ve had off.
Originally it was a way to use up the last of my annual leave before it’s refreshed in April. It was supposed to be a way to chill and recharge my batteries, but it has turned into something else due to the Corona Virus pandemic and lockdown.

I’ve used the last 4 days to get the house and garden into some sort of order, so that everyone has their own space and their own jobs to do.
With Ian on Furlough, Murron out of work and Marjorie and Dharma on furlough and college/Uni closed down, I have four adults in the house who need something to do.

As I am still working, and doing a job that is already stressing me out and likely to get worse in the coming weeks, it is only fair that they take on the running of the house. My aim over the last 5 days was to get it to a point where they can just keep on top of it all and help to keep me de-stressed.

So, with the amazing weather over the last few days, the first thing was to tidy the patio up so we all have somewhere to sit when the weather REALLY warms up. We spent two days jet washing and de-weeding the patio and jet washed all the window sills and windows before buffing them up to a sparkle. The grass still needs cutting and the borders need digging over and de-weeding, but that can wait.

We’re on top of the washing, I just need to finish a little ironing today.
Friday and Saturday were spent decorating the bathroom.
It was in desperate need of an overhaul.
We’ve got all new towels, curtains and mats etc on order. They should have arrived on Friday but the delivery service was paused for a few days while they decided how to tackle deliveries in the current lock down situation, but the bathroom is ready for when it all turns up and we will then have a room that we can actually relax in.

Today I’m going to have a tidy up. Do some hoovering and dusting and finish the ironing.

The family have been told to pick out two lock down outfits.
They are to be items that can all go into a dark wash.
They will all then alternate their outfits on a daily basis.
Dharma is then going to be responsible for collecting the dirty outfits each day and throwing them into the wash and getting them dry ready for the following day.
Hopefully, if this goes to plan, it will seriously reduce the need for any ironing. It will literally just be my uniforms and clothes that need the occasional iron.

Tomorrow I’m back at work. Mon, Weds, Thurs, Sat.
I wish I could say I was looking forward to it, but right now, that would be a lie. In ordinary circumstances I love my job. Working with the kids and their families and hopefully making their stay on the ward a little easier is actually very rewarding, but right now, with all that’s predicted to happen over the next few weeks, it’s actually very scary and my anxiety is through the roof. I can already feel it in my chest. I know I won’t be sleeping tonight and I predict a panic attack on my way into work.

So, if I come home to a shit hole each evening, I am seriously going to lose my rag with the family and I will make their lives a living misery.
They have been warned.

Categories: General diary entries

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