OK, where to start…. where to start.
As anyone who reads my blog regularly will realise, my posts have been few and far between over the last few months.
The reason was simply a build up of everything in my life to a point at which it was all conflicting with each other and it became a bit of a mess.
Don’t take my happy smiley face, when I do get out or I’m at work, as a sign that I’m ok and things are going great. They most certainly are not……. BUT…….
Things are getting better.
There has been a lot on my plate since January 2017. This is when I decided to take on a course, offered to me through work, that will see me with a foundation degree under my belt when I finally finish the course in March next year.
I can’t say it has been easy because it certainly hasn’t, and I knew when I took on the course that I would be making compromises for a while, however, I think I seriously miss-judged just how much of an impact it would truly have on my life for two years.
Apart from my trip to Italy last year for my brother’s wedding, real breaks have been non-existent. I have tried to keep up with odd days out with hubby and/or kids, but things are now stacking up and interfering with each other. Even when I do take annual leave, I have to go to my placement days.
As I would have to make these hours up in my own time anyway, it would be silly to miss them.
Over the last year, Ian, who has psoriatic arthritis, has been dealing with impinged nerves in his neck meaning that his left arm and leg are painful, constantly has pins and needles and he can’t drive very far. He has been relying on a colleague to get him too and from work for at least the last 6 months because he can’t drive long distances anymore. We owe this colleague more than he will ever know because I really don’t think Ian would have a job at the moment without him!
Ian has had appointments and a big procedure at Addenbrookes, and I couldn’t attend any of it because of course commitments.
For the same reason, I have recently felt like a really ‘shitty’ Mother because, 2 of my girls have ongoing orthopaedic issues and I haven’t been able to attend all of their appointments due to course commitments. My 16 year old had a trip to A+E with a knee injury, on the bus with her 19 year old sister because ‘I’ was committed to something and Ian can’t sit for more than 5 minutes in the A+E chairs without being in excruciating agony.
With all that said, I am now in the closing months of the course.
The last of the essays, presentations and reports have been submitted and I have sat the final exam. I now wait with baited breath to see if I’ve passed each one.
I think I may just break if I haven’t.
With all that said, from next week, I will be in consolidation until March.
My learning is now all work and placement based and my days off, are ACTUALLY days off again!
My own health has suffered over the last year. I’m not eating healthily and I’ve piled on a lot of the weight I lost for my brother’s wedding and I’m also drinking too much.
It’s far too easy to sit in front of this computer procrastinating with a bottle of wine and a bag of crisps!…… Exactly what I’m doing right now!
I have kept myself sane by forcing myself to take time out.
Imagine Dragons in London earlier in the year has been a highlight.
Trips to the cinema, although not as many as usual, are always a welcome break but all too brief and of course the odd night out with my eldest and her mates in town have been fun and we celebrated my birthday with a night out to see CC Smugglers at Esquires, our local music venue and we went out for a meal.
I won’t deny it’s been a tough 2 years, and I refuse to ‘sugar coat’ it for anyone who asks me about it because they are interested in it. That wouldn’t be fair to them.
There have been times in the last couple of months alone, where I’ve really felt like packing it all in, but there is now light at the end of the tunnel and I am determined to see it though.
With the pressure of essays, etc, now gone, it’s time to start thinking about ME again.
Silly as it sounds, over the last week I’ve been doing a bit of decorating. Little jobs to tidy things up that have literally been driving me nuts for two years and I haven’t been able to do because of course commitments and I absolutely cannot wait for spring to get stuck into the garden that is lucky to have seen a lawn mower just once over the same two years.
I have decided that on Friday this week, I will start a ‘new me’ regime.
I will be using my Samsung Health app to it’s full potential and I will be recording my whole day on it.
My sleep patterns, my diet, my weight, my exercise.
I’m hoping that seeing it all laid out in front of me with hints and tips on what to change, will be enough to get me back into the swing of things…… before it’s too late.
I’m not stupid.
I actually eat quite healthily….. it’s just all the wine and the crisps in between that’s doing all the damage.
Time to be realistic.
I’ve said it…. too many times before….. watch this space.
Categories: General diary entries