This is going to be a difficult blog to write without sounding bitter.
I’ll state from the start…..
I do NOT regret getting married.
I do NOT regret having my amazing kids.
But, as I meander through middle age, I think about the things that maybe I’ve missed out on.
I grew up with an amazing extended family, but they have always been very down to earth.
The whole point of life was to get a job, find a partner, get married, have kids, retire, have grand kids and that’s it.
I was always pretty much allowed to follow my own path but I was never in an environment that pushed for me to follow any kind of dream.
I was expected to find a job, find a partner, have kids, etc…..
After 21 years of marriage and three kids hurtling into adulthood, I’ve had time recently to indulge in things that a few years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed about and it’s made me think about what I missed out on before I got married.
As a teenager I was pretty isolated.
I had a few close friends but I didn’t explore who I was. I kept myself to myself. I lost myself in movies and locked myself away in my bedroom with my music, videos and magazines.
The internet was unheard of back then!
I started blogging over ten years ago. I used it as a kind of diary and a way to express myself as a stay home Mum. It now enables me to rant about things and obsess about things and I find it quite therapeutic.
Along came Facebook which I embraced like everyone else on the planet.
I found it harder to relate to Twitter. I’ve started trying it again but still don’t really get it.
Instagram is another one I’ve tried but don’t really use too often.
Tumblr!!! was a revelation. I love Tumblr. It feeds my obsessions nicely.
Youtube is a go to place when I need a laugh.
I use it to backup my blogs a lot but I have also learned to appreciate it for wonderful inspirational people. Some doing crazy things.
A recent discovery is a wonderful young man by the name of Riyadh (Riyadh k on Youtube)
This young man is full of life. He’s inspirational and has had the guts to live his life the way he wants. Most importantly, he makes me smile and he makes me laugh.
Oh yes, he loves his wine… like me!!
Then we have Snapchat. I only started this yesterday and I still have to get used to how it works, but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually.
I wonder what my teenage years would have been like if all this was at my fingertips.
I was over 20 years old before I had a boyfriend and I was 25 when I married him.
I never experienced anything else or explored my own sexuality.
Is this a regret?
Yes, I suppose it is.
I hope I have instilled into my kids the need to explore and find things out before they ‘settle’ down to anything that will tie them down.
I’ve tried to be very open with them about ‘everything’.
I think Tumblr would have been my place as a teenager.
I think all the revelations of the past couple of years have sent me into a midlife crisis.
I’m doing things I wouldn’t have dreamed about before (tattoos and clubbing) and I’m looking ahead to what I want to do when all of the kids have flown the nest.
Unfortunately my body is not cooperation on that one.
I seriously need to look at the next year and do something about my health before it’s too late. I want an ‘active’ retirement and do some of the things I didn’t do as a teenager!!
Categories: General diary entries