WHY DO I BOTHER!!

I just spent the best part of the evening planning for a possible holiday next year.
Nothing special.
1 week in Dundee. Ian’s home town and a place I have never visited. As it will be our 20th wedding anniversary it seemed a good idea.
That would be followed by 1 week in York. A couple of days walking the wall, a trip to Whitby, a trip to Scarborough and possibly Harrogate too.
I found accommodation, worked out petrol money, worked out minimum spending on a daily basis.
The whole trip would be dependent on Ian’s bonus in March…. if he gets one!!
If he doesn’t we probably lose the deposits.

What’s the reaction I get from one person in particular?
Does that mean I won’t be getting a moped at Xmas?
How can you afford that and not a trip to Borneo?
Oh by the way, can you bung me some extra money in August for the Gay Pride march in Brighton?
I’m not sitting in the back of the car with the other two while they’re being sick.
Argue, argue, argue, scream, scream, scream, throw everything I’ve ever done for her back in my face and then storm off out the house for an hour.

Why did I bother?
Right about now I’d like nothing more than to organise the holiday without her but this is supposed to be a ‘family’ holiday.
Probably the last one we will have as a family and she made me feel so inadequate as a parent that I just……
I can’t even put into words how incredibly selfish she’s been tonight.

I’m so angry I’m actually crying!

It’s pay day tomorrow.
More stress, more worry and I bet she still expects her pocket money for the month.

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