Another birthday comes and goes and again I feel stuck in a rut.
This has been one of the worst years of my life so far.
Don’t get me wrong, my marriage is strong, I love my kids but life just seems to be on hold for one reason or another.
The biggest problem this year has been health issues. Not just mine but across the family in general.
Me, Ian and all the kids are under various consultants for various issues so there are countless appointments to attend.
When you work at the hospital, the last thing you want is to spend your days off there too!
Mum and Dad have both had health issues this year too.
Dad’s has been a particularly worrying one but thankfully he now has the all clear.
I don’t think there has been a single week in the last three or four months where there wasn’t one of us attending an appointment at the hospital or having to go to the GP. Murron threw us a curve ball a couple of weeks ago with dental surgery a couple of months earlier than expected so that makes 2 surgeries for her alone this year.
Let’s see, next week Murron has a follow up with plastics at the hospital following her thumb surgery earlier in the year and Ian has an appointment with his pain consultant.
The week after that I have my appointment for an MRI on my foot.
Then I actually go for a whole two weeks before my follow up with the surgeon about my foot following the MRI and Murron has another Orthodontist appointment.
The week after that Murron has another follow up with a Paediatrician at the hospital about her dizzy spells.
Oh and today Dharma has been referred to a physiotherapist and we are just waiting for a date.
Then unbelievably (and I do expect it to change) there’s nothing on the calendar until the new year.
All of this coupled with finances getting tighter and tighter that means we simply can’t afford things like clothes and days out for the kids is beginning to have a negative effect on me.
I have to keep such a tight reign on the finances and plan everything in advance to such a degree that if something unexpected crops up I ‘lose it’ completely.
All the fun has gone out of life.
The only time I’m happy just lately is when I’m getting lost in a film or a good TV show.
To be able to pack the family up and go off on a holiday where we are relaxed and happy and not stressing about spending is simply a dream that is never going to happen.
Passports are going to cost us over £400 to start with FFS!
I need to become more positive about things.
So come the new year I am going to try and blog at least once a day.
I’m going to use this blog as more of a diary interspersed with my usual Dish of the Weeks and rants.
I’m hoping it’s going to be quite cathartic.
Whatever, I just need to get out of this slump before I end up in an institution.