STRESSES AND STRAINS

Urgh!!

Got to do something!!

Stomach in knots.

Mind racing.

I HATE THIS!!!

So, today is the last of our presentations.
At approx 11:40, I will be stood in front of a few colleagues and tutors waffling my way through a presentation on the ‘Stresses and Strains of Caring’ and how I protect myself and my colleagues from stress, exhaustion and burnout.

I find it quite ironic really, because doing these bloody presentations is more stressful in itself than working on the ward with my team.

Just over a week ago, I found out that I had taken my presentation brief in completely the wrong direction and had to literally start it again.
On Monday, I had a run through with a tutor who reassured me that I was now on the right track and offered a few tips.
On Friday, I finalised it and submitted it to the portal.
That’s it.
Done.
No changes now.

Stupid thing is, that night, I laid awake ALL night with the damned thing running over in my head. When I got up for work I felt like rubbish. On my way into work, my stomach started bubbling and gurgling quite nicely and by the time I got into handover, I felt like death warmed up.
They sent me home.

After calming myself down and switching off from everything for a few hours, I actually felt a lot better.
On Sunday we had a surprise family get together for my Mum’s 70th birthday. I was adamant that I would NOT think about Uni and just take a day out and enjoy things.
It was a lovely day.

Then WHAM!
I wake up at the crack of dawn today and the butterflies are back with a vengeance.
I can feel the panic and the stress slowly rising to the surface.
I’ve had a final run through of the presentation and my verdict is that it is….. shit!!
I think I have covered enough to get a pass but it certainly has a few areas that are complete waffle and could have been left out and my referencing is abysmal.

I FEEL SICK!

At least this is the last one. (Unless I fail it)
Then I can start to tackle the last two essays that have to be complete before the end of October.

WELL S’#T!!

There is nothing quite like the gut wrenching feeling of finding out the presentation you’ve been working on all day (and attempting to write on and off for the last two weeks) is completely wrong!!

Image result for tearing hair out gif

So glad a colleague shared some feedback from a tutor with me.
It has clearly shown that I’ve taken the brief in completely the wrong direction.

BUT!!!

I have had an epiphany!! So I will be spending the rest of the evening, jotting down a rough plan so that I don’t forget it and then work on it on Sunday before discussing it with tutors on Monday in the hopes that I have finally cracked it!!

I need to take a little break first though.
May even brave the rain for a walk and get some air.

…….or I could just dig out a bottle of wine and chill while waiting for Hozier’s new EP to drop at 19:30!!

Either way, I don’t want this evening to end.
I need more time on this presentation for one thing but tomorrow, I’m back at work after over two weeks off!
Two 12.5 hour shifts in a row is going to be tough, especially with the knowledge that on Sunday I will be sitting in front of this damned computer all day again trying to complete a presentation.

 

TIME TO KICK ASS!

Right, time to kick some ass….. my own that is.

I’ve just had 2 weeks of annual leave to have a really good think about things.
In that time, I have finished a presentation, submitted it and then actually presented it.
I’ve made a tentative start on the next one but I haven’t even looked at the two essays that I wanted to.
I have chilled, I have eaten far too much, drunk far too much and generally procrastinated at every turn.

SO!

After all this time to think, I have come up with a plan.
The next 7 months are going to be incredibly hard as I try to fit in everything that is required to finish this foundation degree.
I need to wake my brain up a bit and I think that exercise and fresh air is called for.
When I was dieting and exercising before I went to Italy last year, I felt great!
Since coming back I have fallen into the old routine of sitting in front of my PC and doing sod all else during my free time.

I have an App on my phone that tracks my daily exercise and I have set my daily steps target to 10000.
When I am at work I will smash through this, regularly reaching 16000 steps.
On my days off, I rarely reach this target and in the last two weeks, the ONLY day I reached this target was when we went to Coventry for the day last weekend.

Needless to say, that with all the spoiling of myself I’ve done and with the lack of exercise, I have piled on a bit of weight.
Worrying about Uni work and binge eating to feel better are not helping and are, in fact, making me even more depressed and therefore comfort eating even more!!

It’s a downward spiral and it has to stop!!

So, Monday is the start of me getting back into the right frame of mind to kick my life back into the right gear.
I will start by making sure I reach my steps target on a DAILY basis.
I’ve been charting my efforts over the last few months and marking my efforts in red, amber and green.
The red means I have walked less than 7500 steps.
The amber means I have walked between 7500 and 10000 steps.
The green means I reached my target for the day.

Sadly there is far more red and amber than green on my spreadsheet for the year so far.

My best month has been July with a total of 200677 steps, equivalent to 158.21 Kilometers or 98.3 Miles.
My worst month has been May with on 110046 steps, equivalent to just 86.3 Kilometers or 53.6 Miles.

If I aim to reach my target every day from now on I should be reaching nearer 434000 steps for the month, equivalent to roughly 310 Kilometers or 192 Miles!!
That’s double my best month so far!!

It’s going to be tough, I’ll admit, but I need to get out of the house and away from the computer for a bit each day.
I also need to get back into a ton of nice clothes that I have that are just a bit too snug to be comfortable in.

There, it’s in writing, so watch this space.
Now, I’m going to go and finish the last of my wine and snacks!

HERE WE GO!

I did my presentation today.
I’ve discovered a little problem I have.
I keep taking deeper and deeper breaths after each slide until I reach the point where I literally can’t take a deeper breath and end up almost hyperventilating!!
I only just made it through my 10 minutes and my next presentation is 15!!
I may just turn blue and pass out.

Anyway, I think everyone in my group did really well and we now just wait for our results.
The frustrating thing is that we will probably have finished and presented our next presentation before we find out about this one.
Frustrating.

Anyway, I chilled this afternoon. Did a little shop and watched some of ‘The Crown’ that I’ve decided to binge watch.

As I sit here, I have literally just found out that Matt Smith has been cast in a ‘key’ role in Star Wars episode 9.
My mind has gone into overdrive.
Who is he playing?

As a Brit, my mind has immediately flown to First Order/Imperial.
Could Hux be getting a rival?
Could Supreme Leader Ren be promoting someone over Hux?

Then my husband came up with an idea and one I think fans would love.
Considering where they are thinking about taking any future films, could he possibly be getting cast as Grand Admiral Thrawn?

Thrawn

We have yet to see a Grand Admiral in this trilogy but unless they are going to do some major playing around with timelines, Matt is just too young and Thrawn is out of his timeline considering Star Wars Rebels.

Interestingly, with the 2012 acquisition of Lucasfilm by Disney, most of the licensed Star Wars novels and comics produced since the originating 1977 film Star Wars were rebranded as Star Wars Legends and declared non-canon to the franchise in April 2014.

Meaning that anything with Thrawn in it was now ‘not’ Canon and open to interpretation in anything new and Thrawn has long been considered by Lucasfilm when developing projects like Star Wars Rebels.

How he would be written into episode 9 is still a mystery to me, but the thought of Matt bringing him to life with the blue skin and flaming red eyes against the white uniform is quite a delicious thought.

Anyway, probably got that one completely wrong.
Watch this space.

But with that news and the leaked images from the set this week, we are now well and truly into ‘speculation’ about what to expect in episode 9.
Only 16 months to go!!

BLACKKKLANSMAN

I finally got to see BlacKkKlansman yesterday and I was not disappointed.

Blackkklansman 1

There’s always a huge sigh of relief after seeing one of Adam’s new films.
I can’t imagine giving him a bad review.
In this case however, he’s getting a rave review.

Blackkklansman 2

John David Washington is definitely a chip off the old block.
Denzel’s son delivers a wonderful performance as Ron Stallworth.

Blackkklansman 5

The film is brilliant.
Spike Lee has managed to take an unbelievable story and turned it into a pretty hard hitting film with all the social and political relevance of it’s day back in the 70’s and rammed home the fact that it is all still sadly relevant today.

Spike has managed to take, what is sometimes uncomfortable viewing, and turned it into a serious look at the issues involved and spattered it with just the right amount of humour.

Blackkklansman 3

You have to admit, Black man infiltrates Ku Klux Klan, is an unbelievable film pitch right?

Just when you think the film has finished, Spike delivers an ending that leaves the audience completely shocked into silence.

Another Spike Lee masterpiece.
Am I smelling Oscars?
Yes, yes I am.

Blackkklansman 4

This film has the potential to get nominations for best film, director, adapted screenplay, costume design, makeup, actor and supporting actor.
We’ll just have to wait and see.

NOT HAPPENING

Right, decision made.

I’m in the middle of annual leave.
The aim was to complete a presentation, which I have done.
I now have to actually present it on Tuesday morning.

The plan from there was to start the next presentation and take a look at 2 essays.

Well…… I tried….. I really did.

It’s just not happening.
I looked at the next presentation all day yesterday and I just can’t wrap my head around it right this second.

So!
I have decided to actually have a couple of days off.
Fully off.
No University work.
I’m going to clear my head and take a fresh look at it on Sunday.

Today was payday.
Not that it lasted very long.
I’ve paid bills, stashed money into savings pots and covered the direct debits for the month.
Now it’s time for a breather.
I have a bit of a shop to do and when Ian has finished work for the day, we’re heading over to MK to watch BlacKkKlansman and go out for dinner.

The butterflies have started already.
It always happens when I’m going to see one of Adam’s new films.
He looks particularly lush in this one from the photo’s I’ve seen so far.

If the film is a disappointment I may just cry.
Although it’s a Spike Lee film and the trailers and clips I’ve seen so far are very promising.
It’s also an incredible story!
Don’t know how I will stomach Adam in Klan robes but knowing he’s playing a character who’s undercover will help.
I’m also getting an Oscars vibe with this one. We’ll see.
I will endeavour to write a spoiler free review later.

Anyway, tomorrow we’re off to Coventry.
We haven’t been there since we left over 20 years ago!
The reason for the visit is so that Dharma can finally meet one of her online friends.

Don’t panic!

She face times her regularly and they chat at all hours.
We will be with her when she meets her friend and her Mother and when we are all suitably introduced, we’ll be letting them loose in Coventry centre for a few hours while me and Ian go for some lunch and have a nosey around the place.

Should be a nice day.

Then it will be back to Uni work on Sunday.
But for now, I’m just looking forward to today.